new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
