there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
