he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I can't turn off my feet"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
