I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
