Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Fuck appropriateness.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
