After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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