before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
