glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
