I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
