that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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