my phone needs a breathalizer
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
