When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You ate ashes out of my bong
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
