pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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