I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
it's like iHOP with fire
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He passed out mid-signature
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
