ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm having to shit out rocks
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