dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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