Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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