Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i am craving dick and cupcakes
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
