Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
