Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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