Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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