i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
