he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
