Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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