Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
