i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
