Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
