this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
