I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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