you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
