i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
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I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
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Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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