Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
