I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
