Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize