Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
