I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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