what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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