I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
