We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
