I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
