i permit you to call me
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
high people should be assigned attendants
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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