Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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