Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize