a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize