So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Did I show you my penis last night?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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