what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
