This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
