I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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