Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
