Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so let's talk penis.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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