My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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