NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
