a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
