he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
