is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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