I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
