my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
