dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
