it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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