I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
