When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
