I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
