Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
