i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
