She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
