Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
