i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You are a genius and a whore.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
