if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
you never un-have a 4some
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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