She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
