his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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