I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Randomize
