I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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