coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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