I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
