I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well