Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
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They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.