Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
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Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.