trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
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If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
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I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked