i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
