I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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