his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
