Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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