I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
