Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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